Life is precious, and you are alive. Each day the sun rises, and it is a glorious new day, and you are ALIVE. Do not put your life on hold, somewhere off into the future, where you dream you will allegedly, one day, be happy, fulfilled and on your path of purpose. The only moment you have guaranteed is this very moment right now. Quit saying the words, "one day." That day may never come. You have enormous power and enormous value. You can begin in this very moment living in the ways that humans were intended to live, which is to live in joy, happiness, with purpose, and free from fear, worry and doubt. Creatively visualize your future, and see yourself as a worthy and deserving participant of the abundance of your own design and value. The answers that you need are not in the external. They are IN you, as the unique value that is inherent in each unique soul. The value is inside of you. You can exercise choice in developing yourself and guiding your creative stream of energy in the world, in any way you desire. Every company has a human resources department because the only value in the created world and the real world, is the unique contributions that can only be made by a unique consciousness such as yourself. Realize your tremendous value and your unique contribution to the world. Look around you in this moment, and be happy and live with gratitude and joy. Live with desires, but not insatiable wants perpetuated by constant dissatisfaction. Develop a relationship and a deeper appreciation for your own unique self— the only YOU in the world.
Never let anyone convince you of anything negative about yourself unless it is for your own betterment. And, if what they have said is true, then thank them and take it in for consideration. But unless someone is trying to help you, don't you dare, ever let anyone tell you who and what you are, because, on this planet, you are the unquestionable and supreme authority on — you. But it can be useful to ask yourself a few important questions. If you met your exact self as another person, would you like them? Would they be a good friend? Would they seem kind, generous and loving? Would they have time and patience, and invest in your friendship? Would you feel good in their presence? Would they make you laugh? Would you truly want to spend time with them? Would they be a good influence? Remember, no one on earth spends more time with you, than — you. Be a good friend to yourself. The best way to be a good friend to yourself is to be a good person. Be the kind of person you wish you had in your life, because who you are, is exactly who you've got.
If your life is like a tragedy it is because you have been neglecting something — most likely yourself. All those happy people you see, they know something you don't know. They know about a balanced type of relationship where they are selfish for the sake of others. You have to learn how to take care of yourself. Who you need, is you. It was always about, and for, you. You're the one you've been looking for; you complete you. If you have never found yourself, the best place to look is in your loneliness, and rock-bottom is even better. Quit looking "out there" for that magical "something" or "someone" to come and rescue you from your tragic loneliness. Do you want to know what people love? People love passion; they love people who are happy in themselves; they love people who are going places and doing things; people love people who are confident and secure, but most importantly people love most those who love themselves. Love is not about finding the right person, but about being the right person. If you get love and attention that you are not ready for, it will not fulfill you the way you imagine. We sustain our loving relationships by loving ourselves. We are only fulfilled by love when we ourselves are filled with love. If you want the perfect relationship, start with the one you have with yourself. If you make it right with yourself, it will be right with the whole world.
You see, people have some really crazy ideas about love, friends and relationships. They have the absurd belief that their friends, children, family, lovers and companions can make them happy. Love is by, for and about you, and it never had anything to do with another person. The love you bring to the table, is a way of living that you have been practicing in your life — and that love can be needy, controlling, selfish, conditional and desperate, or it can be confident, open, giving, unconditional, and secure. Your love capability is something you cultivate within yourself. Loving is like any other art-craft where the masters have carefully practiced and where the novices have languished in their carelessness. This is why some relationships look so beautiful, and some look so tragic — beauty belongs to the thoughtful; tragedy to the neglectful.
Nothing is worse than being constricted in passion, love, and raw potential, when life could be so rich and beautiful by working as a cooperative team with a loving companion. Not having a solid partner in your life can intensify life's struggle. You can only go so far alone. No one person can do it all. But to get a solid partner you have to be a solid partner. You can only attract and keep what you are, or lower. You must elevate yourself to the level of your higher hopes. Sure. You want to be touched, inspired and made to feel alive. But a relationship is like a bridge where you meet other people half-way. That means if you want to be touched, inspired and made to feel alive, you have to be touching, inspiring and bring the fire of your aliveness to the union of your companionship. You must live what you wish to receive. Because we are always growing, life compounds and magnifies what is already within us. If you are miserable you grow in misery, and if you are joyful you grow in joy. This makes self-love the perfect soil from which to grow love.
If you put a couple in a room together, those two people, as the only creators in that room, have the power to create a literal heaven between those four walls. So why do so many people create a hell? Let's simplify and remove one of the people. Even one person, alone in a room will often create a living hell for themselves. They will fill the space with their doubts, fears, addictions, blame, worries and desperation. Have you ever been that person? Being alone will show you who you really are, and if you cannot get-on positively as the sole master of your space in that room alone, then you can absolutely forget about it after you add another person. You had better start practicing being happy when you are alone.
Listen, I know it is hard when you feel alone. There are many types of alone too. There is the type of alone where your life is empty with no real friends or loves. There is also the type of alone where your life is full of people, and yet you have no deep and meaningful connections or passion. Then there is the type of alone where people are coming and going and living their lives, and you feel like an invisible observer in an intersection, watching people who are happily passing by, living the life you think you want. Real loneliness can seem like a slow death, where you watch the flower of what you have to offer wilt, and the petals drop one-by-one unnoticed. Then there is the worst kind of loneliness; a feral type of desperation that leaps at every person who pays attention to you and will not let go. The healthy and happy people you want seem to run for their lives, while the damaged, lonely people grab on with equal desperation in a bizarre death-spiral into the darkest of the dark. But have you ever considered another type of loneliness; a good and healthy, happy loneliness? Do you dislike yourself so much that you can't stand to be around you? What? It's boring you say? Let me tell you, if you are bored it is only because you are a boring person. Oh, you just want some companionship? That seems reasonable. Are you a good companion to yourself? Loneliness is really a wonderful companion that can show us so much about ourselves and others. Loneliness will give you the greatest chance of ever having a beautiful relationship with another person.
At the center of your being is a tender spirit of benevolence and goodness. Learning to love yourself is really a process of learning to trust this benevolence. There is beauty and strength in your animated spirit that defies death with each supporting breath. Even if you don't think you love yourself — you do. You live! You struggle! You move towards warmth and support. You have a tremendous will for life! You are moving in life toward a calling that pulls you ever forward. No matter what type of problems and dis-harmonies you have in life, there is a great benevolent force of goodness encouraging your journey. Don't be hobbled by the petty dramas of the world, or by comparison and illusions of inadequacy and insignificance. Never doubt the treasure of your matchless life. What is unique has no comparison. Be so loving to yourself. Allow the tender benevolence within you to be ever so generous and kind with your self appraisals. Self-kindness can be applied to your inner-relationship, like salve to the insecurities that arise within you. You have a great and innate ability to express love and kindness inward in a way that nurtures your own insecurities. You can chose to be merciful to yourself. You can begin with one simple acknowledgement of gratitude. Start with one kind thought about yourself this moment.
Comparison is always the beginning of the death of self-love. Comparison is a daily brutalization against the self-esteem. Comparison sets the mark on its daily measure toward inevitable failure, and inadequacy. It doesn't matter how beautiful you are because there is always someone more beautiful. It doesn't matter how intelligent you are because there is always someone more intelligent. It doesn't matter how much money you have because there is always someone with more money. It doesn't matter how successful you are because there is always someone more successful. You see, this is a game you can never win. It does not matter how real your perceived deficits are; what matters is how you give life to them and amplify them through comparison and judgment against yourself. You are the supreme adjudicator of worthiness in your life. You decide how satisfied you are with yourself; no one else. You must cease all viciousness toward yourself once and for all. You can only evolve beyond the vicious self-analysis and violent comparison to others through loving yourself. If you can silence your constant judging you can have deeper levels of love and friendship with others and yourself.
I receive thousands of letters from people begging for help with their primal doubts; women with wounded hearts who hate their bodies; young girls with scars on their faces from accidents; people with a wandering eye or some imperfection that takes center stage in their own dialogue of personal tragedy that never seems to end. These letters weigh so heavily upon my heart. Sometimes I will go and look at the photos of the person who has sent me a message. I never see what they see. I gravitate toward the beauty in life. I don't see the scar. The scar is lost in the landscape of the total person; the smile, the laughter, the twinkling in an eye — the landscape of a person is so large that minor details are lost as the human being shines through. But, this is how I see the world; this is how I see people. Primal doubts are often based on a small reality that cannot be denied and is then amplified. You cannot argue with someone's loneliness. You cannot argue with someone's desperation when it is based on years of rejection. These are real problems. I want to reach out to them and show them what I see. But that's the problem; they don't see what I see.
