Primal doubts are the worst; I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm not smart or good enough. The difficult thing is that no matter how inaccurate — primal doubts can seem very real — and what seems real is real in a psychosomatic sense. And, the world can indeed judge us very harshly, and those judgments can truly impact our lives in ways that are catastrophic to our self-image if we are not deeply secure in ourselves. But no matter how the world judges us, it's ultimately our inner demons that we contend with day-to-day; a fight no one can win for us, but ourselves. The battle takes place in the mind and is fought with our inherited and modeled skills, and our inner-voice.
Almost all real spirituality is about connecting with your truth. Who you are is an expression of your version of a Higher Power. You insult every version of a Higher Power in existence when you live falsely, timidly and out of accord with your awesomely unique truth. There are different levels of consciousness and awareness. Every discipline of religion and psychology has their own version of this stratification. There are varying levels of spirituality, emotional maturity, and intellectuality. These levels effectively isolate us from one another. The higher realms can see and visit the lower realms, but the lower realms have difficulty seeing or visiting the higher realms. Ascension through all levels of consciousness and awareness can only happen when you live life as you, and not how others think you should live. How could self-realization possibly be anything other than being yourself? Taking advice is fine; by all means, be open-minded, but not to the point of allowing others to obliterate your uniqueness. Evolving and bettering yourself is wonderful, but not if the set of standards and values you adopt smother you into oblivion in the process. Your uniqueness is the greatest gift you will ever receive in life. Your uniqueness is the master key that unlocks the hidden treasures of your lifetime. Who you are is indispensable to yourself and others. You are worthless to others if you don't know your own self and self-worth. Claw your way out from your slumber. Look deeply within yourself; that is what they mean when they talk about "finding yourself" and "knowing yourself." And once you find yourself — exert yourself unapologetically and unconditionally. Expand into the fullness of you. Dare to simply own the space of your body. Own your space! This is your life! Be you. There is one clear urgency in your life that you must never neglect, and that is — you must be yourself.
There is nothing you will ever do that is more important than being honest about who you really are. As crazy as it may seem, most of us are not who we think we are; we are someone else's ideas. Two words: cultural conditioning. Our identities are tremendously warped and distorted by yesterday's trauma and tomorrow's expectations. The struggle to excavate your true, authentic self from beneath the mountain of conditioning and ridiculous expectation is the epic struggle of your lifetime. Most people are buried alive in a cultural and familial avalanche from the moment they are born, and are never seen or heard from again. Your number one mission in life is to be who you were intended to be. Nothing is more miserable than living a muted existence of inauthenticity. All pain in life comes from suppressing your true identity. You must begin to understand that this is your life; no one else's! This is your precious, wonderful, unique and brief moment in life! Please, I beg you, to at least be honest with yourself and be who you are. If you can't be who you really are then what is life but an unbearable lie? It is essential that you follow your own idea of passion, even if to others it looks like suffering. Refuse to be coerced. Resist the suppressive pressure to contract and instead expand in defiance. Resist and declare that you are alive; you are you, and you are unmasterable and beautifully broken in a fixed world.
So many people cover-up things within themselves. They smile when they really need to frown. They "laugh" nervously when they are uneasy and uncomfortable. They try to make it "all right" so everything can be "perfect" and "fine." We do this to be accepted. We do this because people guilt us into acting perfect. We fake perfect, so others don't have to experience any unpleasant realities, because their life is just as fake as ours. If some people came into contact with anything real they would be shocked out of their minds. This phony life builds-up inside of you until one day you erupt like a volcano, and you don't know why. But, some people don't explode, they implode. They fake perfect until they disappear forever and become someone else's version of who they "should" be. Either way it's a total loss of life. You are lost because you have not been honest with yourself, and your life is largely unexamined and unexerted. You have to do some thinking and know who you are, and then you have to resist compromising your truth for the comfort of others. Don't intentionally be rude, but be you. Some people will see you as an asshole because they don't understand honesty, integrity and honoring oneself. Witnessing honesty frightens some people because they haven't known authenticity in their own life. But really, your abrasion is the rub they may need to open themselves or at least cause them to think. In a world of sleepwalkers, an awakened mind is a teacher and a catalyst for new awakenings, whether they want to be or not. A moment of truth is very powerful. Instead of smiling to be polite, just frown. Instead of laughing when you are nervous or uncomfortable, just speak your truth. Instead of acting like everything is alright, proclaim it isn't alright, and talk about your feelings! Honor your truth. Honor yourself. Be real. If you can honor yourself and be real about your discomfort and pain, then your happiness will be just as real. If you can't be real and firm with others about who you really are, you will be doomed to a phony, plastic bullshit existence, where you only live for others. When you are real you can move through what ails you, instead of being stuck there forever in some sort of "Pleasantville" hell.
When you come eye to eye with a fully conscious person; you will never forget it. You may not even understand what happened or why you felt the way you did, but you will know something special happened. There was something in their eyes. That feeling is your soul calling you home and reminding you to reawaken from your slumber and come back into yourself. Sometimes it is a beautiful experience, and sometimes it is scary. Perhaps they see something more clearly than we do, and they tell us what they see and it offends us because we are being protective, defensive and territorial. But sitting with our feelings of being threatened is one of the fastest ways to heal and grow! When you feel offended or judged, it can be because you feel uncomfortable with yourself, and you are insecure about something that someone is calling to your attention. Some upset can be very good for us. Truth that exposes your denial can feel like judgment. If you feel yourself being judged, don't always trust those feelings. Look for what you may be denying about yourself. These feelings all inform you. Instead of shutting them out by reflex, just try to open yourself to what your feelings are really trying to communicate to you. Listen and learn from your reactions.
Quit trying to please everyone. Get this through your head — you are not responsible for other people's happiness. It is exclusively other people's responsibility to please themselves. Be authentic and please yourself, which is perfect for running-off the people who need to go, and bringing-in the people who should be in your life. We sure aren't taught this as children are we? When children are taught to be "good" and keep everyone happy, it teaches them that they have the impossible burden of being responsible for other people's happiness. It teaches them that other people's happiness comes before theirs, and they wrap that concept up in a suffocating package called, "not being selfish." And what do you get for this so-called, "not being selfish"? Acceptance — but sadly, a false acceptance for being someone you are not, which often leads to never learning self-acceptance. I didn't say it, but we have surely all heard it, "to thine own self be true." Get selfish and quit worrying about other people's happiness. You are responsible for your own happiness. Take care of yourself. If you try to make everyone happy, everyone will be happy but you. You will never make people happier than by being a happy person yourself. And it all begins with simple self-acceptance.
We so easily sling judgements on others, yet we don't want judgements levied against us when we change our ideals. Everyone just wants acceptance. Accepting others is really about accepting yourself, because when you accept others you are freed from your own inner-conflict. When you quit judging others you can be your true-self, rather than being emotionally embroiled with other people's lifestyles and beliefs. Your spiritual journey is about freedom, but not just your freedom — everyone's freedom.
Accepting a person who is not consistent is difficult because it means you cannot depend on them to have unchanging values and ideas, which is another way of saying you cannot "understand" them. People often want to "understand" others to "know their place" for strategic self-positioning, which is ultimately about control and safeguarding their advantage. If you make a big life-change it may literally shatter those around you because they can only accept and "love" you "their way." They may judge you as unstable, but really they are unstable, which is why they may fall-apart as you move forward. It is really their illusion of knowing and control that has ended. The inconsistent person is free, and freedom is really what people fear most. Who says you have to be the same person tomorrow that you are today? It is a ridiculous notion. Change is inevitable. Your personal and spiritual evolution will always be seen as a betrayal by those whose values you abandon. You have a right to change your values, beliefs, and ideas. The discomfort you feel when you attempt to change is just the social control that surrounds you becoming more obvious and bearing down on you. There is nothing more spiritual than freedom and it is very spiritual to violate old beliefs for new values.
Changing yourself takes time, it is incremental and can seem like hypocrisy to judging observers. While developing yourself you may reverse opinions, contradict yourself and seem inconsistent with your beliefs and actions. Don't allow people to control you with the consistency trap. Consistency has been weaponized. Don't let consistency be used against your holistic being and full-spectrum intelligence. You are not illogical. You are not stupid. Being 'smart' is a total spectrum of behaviors; it is about balance — not just intellect. Your opinions matter, and you can even change them! You can say things that are completely wrong and still be a part of a legitimate dialogue. You can do things that are completely wrong and still be a part of a legitimate evolution. You are an amorphous being and can change your views, opinions, ideas, and beliefs at will and as frequently as you desire. You are allowed to be inconsistent, contradictory and unbound by conventions such as sanity, intelligence or making sense. When you reserve the right to total contradiction, you reserve the self-acceptance to be human.
Aren't you tired of conforming? When you are around people, be who you are when you're alone. If you act falsely, everything around you will be false. When you hide who you are it's just like a ticking time-bomb. Think about all the acting you do; playing roles at work, with your parents or children and your partner. This is a major reason people become depressed and self-medicate or pop happy pills. Don't give in just to keep the facade going. If you keep faking perfect for everyone — one day either it will all fall apart, or you will. A life crisis happens when you haven't been being honest about who you are, and if you think a crisis isn't coming, you are lying to yourself. When you are honest, and there is nothing to hide, your life will adjust. Honesty is one of the greatest luxuries in the world. Don't be someone who has everything but can't afford the truth. Think about who you are when you are alone and start being that person full time.
