Have you ever felt like you are stuck on an emotional treadmill — reenacting past injuries and losses or visualizing potential future problems? How many times have you imagined going back to a painful moment in time and "doing things" differently? How many times have you rehearsed a trauma from the past, playing out imaginary solutions, only to re-live your painful emotions over and over again? While some people can adjust and move past their traumas, others do not respond as well. Under pressure, they may even inaccurately feel they are in danger again, even when they are safe.
There is hardly anything more agonizing than holding-on to memories of our painful past experiences. We all make mistakes, but one of our biggest mistakes is continually revisiting the past. We have all suffered losses and pain, but no loss is greater than a life lost holding-on to a painful past. When we can't let go of the past, painful moments accumulate in us; metastasizing in our consciousness like an emotional cancer. Whether a painful wrong was done to us, or we have guilt for our own wrongdoings or mistakes, we must seek to make peace with these moments and move forward.
When we are touched by humility we awaken to a moment of gratitude where we are free from our unpleasant pasts, and free from the torture of future expectations. Humility feels like a thankful-awareness of the present moment. Humility is patient because it is neither past nor forward seeking — it is content. Accept your present opportunities; the pleasant and the painful, which are both seeking to perfect you. Humility adds lessons to our pain and suffering, turning the seemingly senseless into meaning. You only have a chance right now, in this moment — but only through humility.
Each person was meant to blossom into their own unique signature of greatness. Not being great is a form of extreme arrogance. If you were genuinely humble you would be great, because humility would never squander the magnificent gift of life and its fullest opportunities. It takes humility to accept responsibility for the mantle of greatness in your birthright and to become all you can be in life. Real humility is graceful power, not a mandate to be victimized and abused. If you are really humble you will put yourself first when you need to take care of you. A humble person would not put themselves last by not taking care of themselves, because that would be treating your sacred life poorly and carelessly — which is arrogant to life, not humble. Maybe you aren't humble at all; maybe you are self-suppressed and don't know it. Have you been playing the role of a victim long after your negative experience? If so, stop! Quit pretending to be a victim when you are really just a self-abusing, emotional-drama junkie. If you are guilty of this then stop-it now! It seems that some people are so addicted to their misery that they will destroy anything that gets in the way of their fix. Don't be that person. A person who is humble would never be abusive or selfish; so don't abuse yourself or selfishly withhold self-love or self-care. You are the first person you should treat with humility. Respect yourself; gather your strength and let it overflow to others.
In your tragedies you will find your most magnificent opportunities for rebirth. It is through our pain that we emerge. Change comes from confrontation. You have to confront yourself or be confronted. The timidness some people call "humility" is often just a fear of confronting painful inner-truths, but honest and painful self-dialogue is essential for growth. Real spirituality is about getting the bullshit out of your life and getting real. Real humility knows how to slam a door closed and say no more. You can't be humble without self-love. Humility is not weak, powerless, faint, a pushover, a punching bag or an abuse magnet, because above all — humility cares.
Acceptance is the road to all change. If resisting has failed and frustrated you, try to accept what is. As hard as it is to believe, acceptance can open different opportunities for change than resistance. Struggling can sometimes swallow us even deeper into the quicksand of our problems. Difficult problems take time to resolve. The more frantically you pick at knots, the more entangled they can become. To untangle yourself try relaxing. Gently and patiently work with your difficulties and in time you will be freed from what now seems impossible. You are being called to heal yourself, not to agonize over your mistakes. Quit overthinking; this is what surrendering really means. Don't focus on your problems and don't obsess about "fixing" things. Avoid forcing "positive thinking." These thoughts can be psychological irritants. Just leave yourself alone! When you pick at things, they never heal. Simply relax and give yourself some time.
People love to say everything will be okay, but sometimes it's just not true. Sometimes you hit a brick wall, a limit, a point of exhaustion, a boundary or your last straw. You may feel so strong and have every good intention, and yet you still get mercilessly beaten down and defeated. You just can't win them all, and when that time comes you will have to accept it. To not accept a defeat is to be defeated again and again without mercy. Sometimes mercy is simple acceptance. If you are exhausted or defeated, sometimes mercy is letting go.
All beautiful things carry distinctions of imperfection. Your wounds and imperfections are your beauty. Like Kintsugi, the Japanese art of mending broken pottery with gold, we are all perfectly imperfect. Breakage and mending are honest parts of a past which should not be hidden. Your wounds and healing are a part of your history; a part of who you are. Every beautiful thing is damaged. You are that beauty; we all are.
Don't deny yourself of your own experiences, no matter how tragic or painful they were. They belong to you. When you cover-up your pain within yourself, you are suppressing your best chance to grow. Respect your pain and honor your pain. Those scars are your stripes and badges of honor. Those injuries are a part of your sacred story. Don't hide from your truth. It is in what you have hidden, that you will find what you have been so desperately seeking. In the heart of your deepest wounds and losses is the essence of your greatest hope. What you thought of as dreadful or shameful was always your greatest treasure, for it has cultivated your deepest understanding. Your pain has brought forth the pearl of your wisdom, compassion and strength. Be proud of who you are.
We are all damaged. We have all been hurt. We have all had to learn painful lessons. We are all recovering from some mistake, loss, betrayal, abuse, injustice or misfortune. All of life is a process of recovery that never ends. We each must find ways to accept and move through the pain and to pick ourselves back up. For each pang of grief, depression, doubt or despair there is an inverse toward renewal that will come to you in time. Each tragedy is an announcement that some good will indeed eventually come. Be patient with yourself.
